19. On Being Here Now … or, “Hey! Where you ‘bin?”

“Reality is that which, when you’ve stopped believing in it, doesn’t go away.”

Philip K Dick

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“So!! (He nods) And now that you’re finally here! What then is the most important thing for you to bear in mind for the future? (He pauses for a moment, and begins to pace slowly – considering his answer. He turns around rapidly, before continuing on).

Well! …And as you now realize … Whatever it is that you eventually decide that you’re going to do next … The only way it’s going to be possible for you to actually make any real progress down here, is by Working… And you also seem to have grasped…finally .. that anything else you might do here, doesn’t (He pauses and looks upward as if seeking inspiration) … ‘really count’ … (He gestures to one side and lowers his voice) If I can put it that way… (He looks directly up and raises his voice slightly) Does it? …

Everything you do in your life – your reactions; all your decisions, however minor… Your… ‘unconscious complicity’… we might say … All this – deliberate or not – will inevitably produce some result … Some consequence … However trivial you might consider it to be …(He smiles warmly) If – in fact – you ever get around to considering it at all!…(He pauses and goes on to almost repeat what he has just said before making his final point).

However insignificant these consequences may appear to you … However unimportant … and …willed or not… these you will ultimately be held accountable for … Anyway! … (He thrusts his hands up into the air, and then slowly lowers them).

Look! … For the moment at least … let me add that I do sympathize with you here somewhat… But was it really all that surprising for you to discover that claiming you were unable (or more likely unwilling) to take responsibility for your life, doesn’t mean that – as a consequence of this ’inability’ of yours – you aren’t responsible for it?…

So why don’t just you try and get used to the idea? (He half sings) ‘Always look on the bright side of life.’ (He grins)…

Now that you find yourself here …Now that you’ve finally arrived at this point … You might just as well ‘have a go’! … Because… when all is said and done … What exactly would you say your alternatives are?

One of the real problems that you will need to tackle next then? … Or should I say – better – the only serious problem that you will need to bear in mind from this point on? – At least for the foreseeable future? (He purses his lips and at the same time tilts his head upwards).… Well… this would be that any attempt on your part to Work, will – almost invariably – only ever be successful after you have managed to convince yourself that you believed you already knew all about what it is that you have now, freely chosen … at last … to begin Working upon!… (He grimaces as if indicating how difficult that might be to grasp…He continues on slowly)

It is almost as if – on reaching this point – you have now come to realize that you already understand everything you need to understand…. And that any ‘wisdom’ you do believe you have been privy to in the past is not really going to be of any further assistance to you from now on … Because there is no longer anything else that you need to know.. (He begins to pace, picking up speed slowly). … To realize that any further effort here by you in this direction will simply make matters more complex for you than they need to be, and would … ultimately … only result in you simply squandering a portion of your remaining, finite, resources. … Resources that you will almost certainly need if you are to continue on here and attempt to make any more significant progress in all this, that is…

Bearing in mind of course that – as now you fully accept it’s only you who can decide whether or not to engage in these ‘efforts’; decide whether they are worthwhile or not, your problems will, almost invariably from this point on, present themselves to you – in a very reasonable manner – as something that ‘doesn’t really need to be engaged in’ … not right now… not ‘this minute’… anyway.

Which means of course that you are now in very real danger of actually going backwards…

You have reached the point where you must exercise real care in any future choices you decide to make. … You’ve been (He pauses as if considering his next words carefully) what might be called, ‘going up’ until now. And a certain amount of wasted energy and repetition is natural during this part of your journey… So – for the moment at least – there was always some justification for the things that you did … a legitimate ‘excuse’ for wasting valuable time and resources, as it were

… But you are now – if I can continue using this metaphor – beginning to move … ‘downwards’… Falling towards that … inevitable finalé … so to speak … And a consequence of this is that you will begin to experience states of – what might be called – ‘acceleration’ – such that your life seems to be ‘passing you by’ ever faster and faster…

And thus, even you can now see that – for most of the time at least – you are merely repeating yourself at ever more decreasing intervals … Sadly … but eventually then, you become … just … well … very … boring. …

And being boring down here is the ultimate …Cardinal … Sin… At least during this stage in the game – I’m afraid… (He looks around and begins pacing again, manifesting a air of staged concern, continuing to speak further, almost as an afterthought). And if you end up in this position then, regrettably, ‘your services will simply … no longer be required’ in all this (He stops and shrugs, half-smiling).

And the consequences of that … will be that the lever – the one that opens the lid of that crocodile pit you’ve been standing directly over all this time – will be pulled.. (He laughs, and puts his arms together, opening and closing the space between his hands as if imitating the movement of a crocodile’s mouth)..

Finally … for now… and not to put you off too much …I repeat … the ‘decision’ by you to embark further on this task of Working is no automatic guarantee that you will now make any… actual …progress …(He has stopped pacing and is now looking away. He turns suddenly) … At all! … But you are required to at least make the effort… If you really do want to figure in all this, that is.

(He is now standing still. He smiles warmly and – as if talking to a small child – says softly) So! … Are you sitting comfortably? (He pauses) Then we’ll begin!” (Lights fade slowly to black)

   From ‘Field-notes for Armageddon’ by Bob Hardy

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NOTE: Before continuing on here – I would ask those of you who haven’t done so yet to first take the time out to read ‘On My Decision To Include A Blog With This Archive’ which you can find here

In that short piece, I explain briefly (amongst other things) the nature of the obligation that I believe I placed myself under in late 2004 – sometime after I had began construction of the Eugene Halliday Archive…

I still maintain that the only legitimate approach to ‘making Eugene Halliday’s Work to become known world-wide’ can only come from accounts of efforts that are firmly, and obviously, centered around first–hand attempts to interact with this material of his. Rather, that is, than from any ‘ideas’ that various (self-appointed) parties – who have somehow decided that they know what Eugene Halliday ‘meant’ by ‘this’, or by ‘that’ – are dying to tell us all about.

In my opinion, I always found that he was more than ‘rather good’ at doing this for himself  🙂

Initially, at least, my sole intention was not to make Eugene Halliday’s work ‘known’, but simply to make it freely available. And although I did later go on to agree to help in this task of making Eugene Halliday’s work ‘known’ I will admit that I hadn’t really considered just how much effort this might actually involve me in; or indeed, if anyone else would be bothering to ‘lend a hand’ here themselves.

However, my situation re my commitment here has recently changed somewhat, and this new situation that I now find myself in will – to some extent at least – condition my future blog postings.

“I do my thing, and you do yours,” has always been my preferred method of proceeding with matters like this anyway, and attempting to describe, in detail, my interactions with Eugene Halliday’s material in – for example – the form of this blog, went very much against my natural (that is, inertic) inclinations… However, I quickly discovered that I it could serve as an excellent  ‘positive learning experience’ .

So ‘It’s all good!’ then 🙂 …

I would also like to add here, that if what you and I are both doing is similar enough, then I believe we will ‘resonate’ anyway. And subsequently then, the possibility that you and I might ‘join forces’ (for part of this journey at least) becomes a real possibility – without the need for any elaborate explanations; or for the memorizing of any special rules; or of involving ourselves in (yet another) pointless hierarchical social situation of one sort or another.

Actually, to date, my various accounts of these interactions of mine with Eugene Hallidy’s material have produced responses from one or two people that have already been of immense help to me in all this.. And it might even turn out that together, we will go on to produce something of value (however minor) for others …Or not… As the case may be.

That being the situation as I now see it – for the present at least … It’s ‘One more time!’ then…

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In my experience, very little that is new can be learnt from being punched in the mouth for a second time by the same person.

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It has become more than obvious to me that many of those I have met who claim that they can ‘think’ – although I personally wouldn’t use that term for what it is that they imagine is happening to them here – are actually only ever engaged in rearranging their already firmly established prejudices, simply in order to convince themselves they are ‘now dealing’ with the (never-ending) situation that they find themselves continuously blundering into.

 

From ‘NOCTURNAL EMISSIONS’
‘Random Dribbling from the Twilight World of the Undead’
by Bob Hardy
(A series of fragments from Bob Hardy’s notebooks – from the late-1970’s to date)

 

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I can’t recall a single instance during the past forty-odd years, when I was completely indifferent to what it was of Eugene Halliday’s that I happened to be listening to, or reading.

However, very early on in all this (at least 30 or so years ago) as I began to focus more and more upon a discrete number of his ideas, I found that I was also impelled to ponder the following questions, “What are the consequences to me of my involvement with these ideas, both in the short-term, and also ‘over the long haul’? .. Or, as the Liverpool version of this question might have it – “Great! … But .. ‘So what’?…”.

This attempt by me to throw some light upon what was going on here, wasn’t something that I experienced as arising from some ‘noble spirit of enquiry’ either. In fact it was far more the case that I found myself, more and more, being prodded in the direction of attempting to answer the following group of closely related questions: “Exactly who is having this experience .. What does this material mean to this ‘who’ … And why does it do so?” … … A group of questions that – essentially – only ‘I’ can supply the answers to… (Although that has never stopped me from ‘checking out’ what others might be up to here 🙂

The experience of having these questions almost permanently present in me, has led me to a number of conclusions about what it is that I believe is ‘going on’ here and ‘now’… And (not surprisingly) a significant proportion of any answers that I might have arrived at, have come to me in the form of ‘language’ …

If you like, you could say that I seem to ‘hear’ any answers that I get to them ‘in my head’ –and not surprisingly I believe, in English.

But I don’t experience any sense that this is ‘someone else’ here; I don’t experience it as ‘the still quiet voice of reason’ or anything spooky like that (‘receiving the odd message from ‘the beyond’..). Rather, I have always experienced this as just ‘me talking to myself’ (or ‘me interrogating myself’ might be a better way to put it).

Understanding the meaning of this ‘language that I ‘hear’; understanding these answers that I supply to myself, forms the major part of what it is that I actually do. And it is this activity I refer as to ‘Working’ … It is also what I believe Eugene Halliday was primarily engaged in. That is, I believe that this is what it was that he was essentially ‘all about’ …

The result of this ‘Working’ – at least as far as I’m concerned – is the experience of an increasing depth of meaning for me; an increasing awareness of ‘being’: an ever-more pronounced awareness that I am actively take part in an ever-evolving ‘in-the-now’; that I am more and more conscious of what i like to refer to as my ‘becoming’.

The major, essential component of this ‘active language’ for me, is that it is grounded in one’s ‘experiences’- and I eventually came to realize that this was actually something of a blessing – because it meant that the task in hand here for me was essentially a ‘finite’ one.

Today I would ‘ask myself’ the same group of questions that I posed above, somewhat differently, and in the following way, ”Exactly who is having this experience of being inspired .. What does it mean to them … And why does it do so? … Is it my ‘genuine’ self; is it my ‘authentic’ self; or is there someone else here ‘in the building with me’ at the moment who is having this experience?” .

And now (perhaps) you’ll want to ask “And what the Hell is that supposed to mean? … !!”

Well … supplying some form of answer to that question – I would claim – is the purpose of this blog of mine … In part at least 🙂

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I am currently in the process of recording a (reasonably short) video. This will contain the material – somewhat amended – from a talk that I gave in the UK on the 17th August, 2014.

At the moment I have called it, ‘A Personal Approach To Working With Eugene Halliday’s Ideas’ and will (hopefully) be available at the beginning of February.

Addenda: Here is the link:

To be continued ….

BOB HARDY

Jan 1st  2015